“Never apologise for showing feeling. When you do so you apologise for the truth.” ~ Benjamin Disraeli
In being conditioned from a young age to mask our true feelings, we are effectively being conditioned to lie – to ourselves and to others.
It is this conditioning that allows so many to stay hooked into the illusion that many mistake for life – able to deny to themselves and others that they are in conflict within, and they really feel like shit most of the time.
In my experience, the majority of people are very uncomfortable with people expressing their feelings, and speaking their truth. When someone is authentic, it challenges the authenticity in others, and they often don’t like what is stirred up. So, rather than deal with the issue of their uncomfortableness and exploring where that might come from – they shut the other person down and put labels on them that make them feel better about themselves. I read one label in an article today describing someone as “emotionally incontinent”, a very flattering description (not)
of a kind compassionate soul who wore her heart on her sleeve.
Most of my circle of close friends & I are mis-fits and non-conformists according to the world view – my “crew” refer to us as fringe-dwellers. We live in the world, however are not completely consumed by it. We care deeply and participate, however we also recognise what is important for us in our lives, and live consciously. In living consciously, we endeavour to be fully present, and make choices that honour who we authentically are. We are connected to ourselves and Source, and believe in the Oneness of all things. We also take full responsibility (sometimes begrudgingly) for the reality we create for ourselves, and accept that if aspects of our lives aren’t working, it is up to us to change them. We express our feelings, and honour our truth in most instances. We value our well-being.
Many years ago, I wasn’t this savvy, and used to be very much immersed in the rat – race. I had been told often enough I was the equivalent of emotionally incontinent, and should keep my mouth shut and mind what I say so often that I had pretty much shut down in order to survive in that world. The end result of that was a complete mental and physical breakdown – an absolute blessing. It was in this breaking down that I realised I had been denying myself any relationship with my soul – I lived in my head. It is my opinion that most mental illness is the symptom of a “sick” soul – a soul that has been undernourished or completely ignored. We are born to be true to ourselves, and express our feelings – the denial of this truth causes a terrible internal conflict that manifests as a war within our mind.
This realisation had me having the epiphany that it was my relationship with my soul, my authentic being, that first needed to be healed if I was ever going to recover. My growing my soul, I could reduce the influence of my mind. In growing my soul, I would learn to listen to my body and achieve some degree of balance – Body, Mind and Soul.
Part of this journey has been learning to be ok with expressing my feelings, and not being fearful of how I would be judged or catergorised for doing so. If people were uncomfortable with my feelings, it was their discomfort – I could choose to make it mine or not. Years of working out what works and what doesn’t and the regular practise of the things that do have me leading a pretty balanced life these days. The fact that I do is testament to the benefits of honouring my true feelings, and speaking my truth.
When we deny a person the right to express their feelings, regardless of age, race or gender, we are effectively encouraging them to lie, and enabling our unhealthy culture of dishonesty to continue.
Claim your right to express your feelings and speak your truth, to yourself first and foremost, and then to others. In that right honour the responsibility you have to others to afford them the same freedom. Together, one by one, we can make the world a better place.
Given with Love x