The Moonless Midnight of My Mind

“Sometimes there is no darker place than our thoughts, the moonless midnight of the mind.” ~ Dean Koontz

I know that dark dark place only to well – and spent too much time there many years ago. I still go there – not so often and not for so long – I still go there.

I also know that even though when I am in the moonless midnight of my mind – that the moon is still there somewhere… shining – just not on my patch at this moment. I get this now – absence of light in my world doesn’t mean that there is no light – I just can’t see it right now. I take great comfort in this knowing, and remind myself of it often when I am in that space.

My “crew” have often shown me that I am in the deep dark depths of a valley in the midst of a huge forest – too dark for even shadows. However, they have also lifted me up…. way up above the tree line, and shown me that the sun is still shining, I am just not in a place to see it right now. If I keep on moving forward, one step at a time I will come to that clearing where I can see the light of the sun and feel it on my skin… one step, one step, one step – I guess that’s what faith really is…. the willingness to take that one step, in the knowing that what you most desire is just up the track a bit.

My “crew” also encourage me to enjoy being in the shade for that period of time, it can be cool and restful – moving through at a comfortable pace, allowing myself the time to process and recover from whatever it was that led me to the moonless midnight of my mind on that occasion.

If you are in that place right now, wallow in it for a little bit – embrace being in the darkness and you will get your “night eyes”, and with that will come some clarity – clear seeing in the dark……… and then be willing to take that first step…. believing the light will appear in your life again, and you will feel the sun on your skin.

There was a time I would not have been willing to believe this – largely because I was putting all my energy into getting back to the life I had come from. I was not willing to believe there was a “forward” from where I was, however eventually I surrendered to the darkness, got my “night eyes” and took that first step…… I am so glad I did, and the tough going through the deep dark valley in the big forest was so worth it….. the reality of living in the clearing with the sun on my skin is just the best!!!!

Given with love x

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